She has always made me laugh--this daughter of mine--her spirit the exact opposite of melancholy.  Even as a baby she was easy to be with.  She didn't cry much. Often, upon waking, I would go to her and there in the morning light she would stand, her baby hands grasping the side of her crib, bouncing and singing a song from some secret, sacred place of innocence--those mother moments that bring joy indescribable.

The years pass.  A blur sometimes with all of life's bittersweetness.  The pain.  The delight.  And all along this frothy,phosphorescent trajectory, my daughter has sung and turned her face to heaven.  And because she has looked upward to the One who knows her best, she has carried many people along with her in this wake of love, grace and joy--peers, children, family--and now possbily the most important, this darling husband to be, her beloved.  

I live near a tidal creek, and that body of brackish water is often a destination when I walk.  Some days the creek is so still I see rose-colored bands of the sunrise threaded through its glossy surface.  Other days, often at twilight, the waters are rippling with life--arctic white egrets spear fish in the shallows at low tide and minute crabs scurry away from my footsteps as I approach the great oak that hugs the creek's bank. 

That day I leaned against the ancient tree, weary from the day.  So many cares.  I was tired from a ten-hour day.  I'd almost stayed on the couch watching Dr. Phil instead of getting outside. But I'd pulled myself off the couch knowing it was better to move. I kept telling myself, "You always feel better after you move."

A friend told me recently she'd learned to hula hoop--a pink hula hoop she'd taken to her back porch and practiced until she was able to keep it from clattering to the ground.  "What possessed you?"  I was thoroughly intrigued.  I'd tried to learn years ago, but had given up.  She answered, "It's about letting your body lean into the motion of the hoop."  "Buy why now?" I asked.  "Well," she said, "My life is chaotic.  I'm not entirely happy, and there was just something so inviting about that large, bright, pink hoop in the Rite Aid that seemed fun. I bought it on a whim, and now I hula hoop every night."

God doesn't count us, he calls us by name. Arithmetic is not his focus.

He didn't smell good.  The odor was like an amalgamation of sweat, weed and Bounce dryer sheets.  He was in my office for substance use counseling.  Heroin.  He couldn't make eye contact and he jiggled his leg so forcefully I thought he might fall out of the chair. I felt uncomfortable too.  I wanted to get up and run.  I longed to open my drawer and spray some Febreeze into the anxiety-packed atmosphere.  But as is true with almost anyone, they often just want someone to sit with them. To let them be where they are.  I fell still and began to ask short, open-ended questions.  "What do you want in life?"  "What do you like?"  I forgot all the blank lines I needed to fill in for the paperwork.

He told me he used to be thin (couldn't believe he'd gotten to 300 pounds).  "Girls liked me," he said.  "I even had a really beautiful girlfriend once, and I was in college." Then he said, "I went missing, though, when I got into heroin--it was like the drug was my girlfriend instead of a real woman."  Then he said, "That's what I want.  I want to find myself again--I want a real life and a family."

This week I feature an excerpt from my book, On A Clear Blue Day.

The dream came to me, because I asked for it.  The evening before the dream I felt miserable.  My husband and I were distant--he withdrew into his shell and constantly watched television, the screen like another woman.  I was sick of it.  And so much of who I am, he didn't get--didn't get that I am a person who believes in answered prayers and divine interventions.  So I prayed, "God please.  I don't know what to do.  Give me a dream."  And He did.

That night I found myself floating on my back in warm waters--a blue sea flecked with white caps.  When I rose up out of the water I was standing on the edge of a kingdom.  A majestic castle stood there just off the shoreline, its turrets splendidly reaching up toward the cerulean, cloudless sky.  It was pleasantly warm.

I immediately had the desire to enter the castle.  but as is true in dreams, they are not always linear.  I don't remember entering through the castle doors, but instead found myself climbing stone steps up a narrow passage into one of the high towers.

After a while I paused on the step and noticed an alcove to my left. A small marble table was set up with benches on either side. On one bench sat my father, wearing a dark suit and red tie. He was young with luminous skin, his eyes bright--the wavy, thick hair of his youth. I was ecstatic to see him as he died in 2000 at age eighty-six.